Well Worth the Wait

Parker,
Today you are 2months old, I can't believe how incredibly fast time has gone by recently. You were born June 19th 2013 at 7:11pm. You have brought so much joy and blessings to our life already! Since the last blog I wrote you, I obviously gave birth to you, which was a very hard long labor. On 6/18/13 I saw my OB and she stripped my membranes, daddy and I went to watch the new Superman movie, I felt contractions off and on, but they weren't regular yet, we went walking at the park then I came home and bounced on a yoga ball ( I REAAAALLY wanted you out) I decided to go to bed about 9pm and sure enough as I was falling asleep I started getting contractions on the regular, I waited and waited for them to get closer, at about 8am the next morning they were finally about 5 mins apart and I decided to go in at 11am just to see if you were on your way. After arriving to the hospital they checked me out and said I was only dilated to a 2...a stinking 2, but my contractions were worsening so I asked for some medication to take the edge off so they decided to admit me. Around 3pm I was finally at 6.5cm and had been for about 2 hours, I couldn't take contractions anymore so I settled on getting an epidural; thank goodness. After the epidural everything until pushing was smooooothhh sailing. My water broke on its own and I didn't have to have any other intervention. About 6:15pm the nurse said I could do some practice pushing because I was fully dilated and the OB would be on her way, I pushed one time and your heart plummeted right along side my blood pressure,  they told me to STOP! I rested until the OB got there, she was letting me try to push out but you just were NOT coming out ( I believe you were stuck behind my pelvic bone) she had to get forceps and the vacuum to assist you out, after about 20 sets of 3 pushes she told me I had ONE more set and if you didn't come out I was going to have an emergency C-section, thankfully you came out on the LAST push of the LAST set. On your grand entrance I ended up with 3rd degree tearing and had to be stitched by the surgeon and the OB for 45 mins straight. The moment I held you was amazing, you were and are absolutely perfect you were so tiny 6lbs 7oz and 19in ,as of your last dr appt last week you were 9lbs 1 oz 22.25in long, you are small but so big to daddy and I. I love watching you grow. We brought you home from the hospital and had a rough first few nights being sleep deprived and all. Your dad is such a blessing to me, I was roughly recovering and he took amazing care of both of us for several weeks, he was completely natural with you and beyond amazing! You two are currently laying on the bed snoring away next to me. You have to undergo surgery soon to correct a penial torsion you have and to have your circumcisio, I am really not looking forward to it. Since you were born I had to also have a surgery to have my gallbladder removed, I guess it is very common for women to have gallstone attacks after pregnancy, the pain is VERY comparable to labor, I am glad I had the surgery done, that was another few days daddy really stepped up and took amazing care of use. You are a daddy's boy through and through, I wont be surprised when "Da.Da" ends up being your first words, you smile at him constantly and have been smiling at him for several week, Grandma Gray says she can't get over how interactive you are with us at such a young age.We can tell you love us, and we LOVE you! We are now awaiting the arrival of cousin Eli, he should be here anyday, we all think you two will be the same size when he comes out. I am all over the place on this post but I am tired,and not because you make me sleep deprived you are actually a really good sleeper, you know our routine 9pm you get a rice bottle and are out by 10:30 (most every night) and wake up around 4 am (some nights) eat a bottle and fall right back to sleep until 7ish then daddy gets up with you, you eat and fall right back to sleep with me in bed until about 10am, so not much complaint on the sleep end here. Well I guess I should go get you swaddled (which you love by the way) and tucked all in to your cradle so we all can be sleeping. I love you little man, you have changed my entire world and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Hey Park, Park

Hey little man, I am terrible at updating this blog for you. I wanted to pop in and let you know how life is going these days. I am 34weeks 5 days pregnant with you, and ready for you to be here!!! In the past few weeks I have had to visit the hospital, once at 28 weeks for dehydration AGAIN, but I had blood in my puke so I figured it was best I go in, and again at 31weeks because I am pretty dang clumsy and biffed it hard grandma and Papa's house on the concrete, I went in to just make sure you were okay. They monitored me for 4 hours and were about to let us go home, and then I started having contractions, so they kept me over night to watch and make sure I didn't go into labor and have you way too early. While I was there however they did an Ultrasound and you are a chunkers you weighed in at 4lbs15oz, I have to say I am kinda scared to have to go through labor with you. We have gotten to see you in HD again and I can't believe the cheeks on you, you are so stubborn we tried one day to see you and you had your hands over your head and your back to us and would NOT unroll we had to go back to see you a few days later, where your feet were over your face, finally you moved them so we could see your face. So far in the scans you look a lot like me, but have daddy's eyelids. We are really getting excited to meet you!! Auntie T and Gma threw a shower for us, it was a lot of fun, still have a lot of shopping ot do. This weekend we are getting new carpet in our house(one you will live in only for a short time hopefully) I am really excited to get your room put together and wash all your laundry, it is torture sitting in the living room looking at the boxes of furniture that we can't put together yet. You are a very squirmy guy, unless you're sleeping then I have to poke you to move a little if you don't move for hours you scare me. You are sitting breech right now, and have been for a long time, I am hoping you flip really soon because if not I have to go get you flipped and I am told it hurts. PLEASE FLIP! Well I think that is all for now. Until next time!

Boys, boys, boys

I know one day when (hopefully) you read this it means something to you, I know as a male, you don't really care about cheesey stuff like this, but I like doing it, so because I am your mother you're getting it 

:-P. The past few weeks have been kinda hectic, daddy's very good friend Bryan Starnes was violently murdered, so we attended his funeral services and such over the last few days. I had only met Bryan a handful of times, but he and daddy were very close friends in high school, and probably up until about 5 years ago or so, when Bryan moved away to Minn. then enlisted in the armed forces and lived in Alaska, then was deployed in Afghanistan, then moved back to Minn.

In good news though, which I know you'll know by the time you ever read any of this Auntie Tee and Uncle Jonathan are having a BOY too, you two are due 79 days apart!!! I am excited that you wont have just girl cousins, and you will have a boy to grow up to close with (and I am sure wreak havoc with)

Only 87 days until you're due to meet us, and we are getting very excited!!!   

How far along: 27 weeks 4 days

Maternity clothes:  I wear them everyday found some cute long shorts!

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  

Sleep: Sleep isn't coming very easy at night, as soon as I am comfortable I have to roll to my other side, and I wake daddy  up so neither of us get very good sleep, just practice for when you arrive I guess. 

Best moment this week: This last week has been a very tough week, especially for Daddy, he lost a very dear friend Bryan Starnes in a horrific murder, so we had funeral services to attend and such.

Miss anything: Laying FLAT on my belly, it doesn't hurt me but you start kicking me and make my tummy have a funny pressure to let me know I am squishing you.

Morning sickness: On and off, feeling super nauseated still but only puking maybe 1-3 times a week. 

Movement: Yes, you love to play in the morning I can sneak a few times to feel your kicks with my hand, only first thing in the morning.

Symptoms: Nausea of course, some other pressure and pains, especially if I start walking around a lot.

Food cravings: You are killing me on this one, CHEESEBURGERS,w ith fry sauce, I HATE beef, but you want it appearently, even if you only let me eat half of the burger before alomst tossing it right back up.
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car, and the smell of some food cooking, smell of brown sugar,eggs, and who knows what, sometimes just picking up laundry, or anything off the floor

Have you started to show yet: Definitely, but not enough for random people to ask about your due date, they might just be afraid to ask because I might just look FAT to them still unless they knew me, becuase my belly is soooo low and not super duper rounded (yet, I am sure it will pop out soon enough)

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: Off, I have a band on but I woke up one night with swollen fingers so I took them off, and I'm afraid to put them back on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been pretty normal I think

Looking forward to: Ordering your crib, and starting to get your room together.

25 weeks

26 weeks

26 almost 27 weeks

27 weeks

Hello, Parker

YES! We finally decided on your name! Parker Gray Saunders. Your name is perfect, Parker derives from your Great Gpa Saunders middle name "Park", Gray derives from PAPA Gray's last name, and of course you are stuck with Saunders naturally! The past few weeks have been amazing (aside from all my puking STILL) We got to see you in HD I was really worried that you would be gross looking, and you were a little creepy but it is AMAZING the technology, we can see exactly what you look like. At this point you still are developing features so it is hard to say whos side of the family you look exactly like, but I think you have daddy's mouth for sure BIG OL' LIPS I can't wait to meet your cute self in a few more months! Daddy and I started getting rooms moved around so we can start getting your stuff in place! You are growing so big, as I can tell by my belly growing I swear every day. Your movements are getting bigger too, I am lucky if I can feel you from the outside at this point, it is kind of disturbing to me, but I LOVE that it means you're healthy in there, daddy hasn't felt you yet ( I think he is scared to.) Well I am supposed to be cleaning my office to get it ready to move down the hall to make room for your stuff!

How far along: 6 months today!

Maternity clothes:  I can't WAIT for spring to start so the cuter clothes will be out!

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  

Sleep: Sleep isn't coming very easy at night, as soon as I am comfortable I have to roll to my other side. 

Best moment this week: This week wasn't anything exceptional, but nothing to gripe about either

Miss anything: Not really.

Morning sickness: On and off, this past week has been particiularly bad, lots of vomiting, but not as many headaches. 

Movement: Yes, you LOVED daddy playing his trumpet, you started kicking the hardest you've kicked.

Symptoms: Nausea of course.

Food cravings: Nothing much really.
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car, and the smell of some food cooking, smell of brown sugar, and who knows what, sometimes just picking up laundry, or anything off the floor

Have you started to show yet: Definitely, but not enough for random people to ask about your due date.

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been pretty normal I think

Looking forward to: Having the house organized, new carpet, sod and moving the wall in the living room!

Hello Baby

Hello Baby, ( I swear we are going to have a name for you before you come!)

I really am terrible at this blog stuff, I always get a chance at 3am to write to you though. Tonight I woke up about 1am stressed out because I usually feel your dance parties all day and I hadn't felt any movement from you for almost 2 days, I was worried, but sure enough as I woke up stressing and sat on the couch you started wiggling around (thank you!) If only I could go back to sleep now, seeing as we have church in 6 hours..

In the time that I haven't written Daddy and I have been on our cruise and back (it was horrible, but I wont gripe too much, you don't need to hear it :)) We got to see you the 29th of Jan, I still wait everytime for it to really sink in that you're in there, but we did our 20 check up and you are a big boy!!! You measured from head to toe 11in and weighed about 3/4lbs!!! I love seeing you (even though it hasn't sunk in entirely) I can't wait to start feeling your kicks with my hands on the outside of my tummy, I really am excited for Daddy to feel you too!! This coming Tuesday we get to see you, I think it's going to be a really good day; we see you then Daddy is taking me to dinner at Texas De Brasil *a "fancy" Brazilian steakhouse*. Not only do we get to see you in 2D but with awesome technology we get to see you "3D" and in HD I am excited, and nervous for the HD because lets face it, you're going to look kinda creepy at this stage, but I am sure we will think you're adorable!!! I really should try to get some sleep now, and I think you moved down to your normal spot because I REALLY have to pee!!!!

How far along: 22 weeks 2 daus

Maternity clothes:  Yes, I finally found some comfy jeans, and some cute shirts, and a swimsuit!

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  

Sleep: I have been pretty drained this week, I had to nap almost everyday 

Best moment this week: I had a BBQ with some old friends from school because Carlee was here from Australia, it was fun to see everyone's families or meet their significant others, since its been several years that we all got to see eachother.

Miss anything: Not really, although it's starting to get very uncomfortable to lay on my tummy :(.

Morning sickness: On and off, this past week has been particiularly bad, lots of vomiting, but not as many headaches. 

Movement: Yes, but please don't scare me like you did for the past two days with none at all!

Symptoms: Sleepy, CRANKY, and nausea 

Food cravings: For once I actually really just want fruity candy, and randomly funfetti cake.
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car, and the smell of some food cooking, smell of brown sugar, and who knows what, sometimes just picking up laundry.

Have you started to show yet: I can't deny it anymore haha, I still just feel bloated, but I do see a definite rounding belly

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have had a rough week with irritability.

Looking forward to: Seeing you on Tuesday, and meeting Aunt Ally's new baby Lylee!

Dance party

Hey there baby boy ( no, we still haven't figured out your name yet). I have been slacking a bit on here but I am here now. The past few weeks have been busy, Christmas and new year have come and gone. Daddy and I went to AZ to go to our cousin Chantel's wedding and spend sometime with the Saunders side of the family. Our trip was fun, and eventful to say the least, while we were there your Great Grandma Saunders (what a hoot she is!) got gallstones and had to spend sometime in the hospital, she had surgery and as far as we know as of today she is doing well; such a strong woman at 82 years old! We had fun seeing everyone, and I got to meet everyone for the first time really, at least got to know them all better.

Anyway I can feel you moving around, and throwing some dance parties in my belly now. It is truly a weird feeling, I am looking forward to the movements being much stronger and prominent (but not at the same time haha). I am still getting sick a bit, hopefully I don't have to go the rest of the 21 weeks being sick until you arrive.
.
I think I will try to add a few major headlining history facts in here the next blogs here on out.
* Our President Barak Obama is trying  (unfortunately succeeding) on banning high capacity magazines for rifles. *This does not sit well with our family's beliefs, and or our country's constitution.*
* Lance Armstrong *a bicyclist* has confessed to doping (this news is not important to me but it  is a very big headliner at the moment) even as much as doping is VERY wrong the man has has helped raise over 500million dollars for cancer.

How far along: 18 weeks 6 days

Maternity clothes:  Yes, I have to wear stretchy pants, I finally bought a pair of jeans!

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  

Sleep: I have more energy, still not a ton but more than I did int he beginning. 

Best moment this week: Seeing and spending time with family

Miss anything: Not much, I kinda enjoy food making me sick because i don't want to gain too much weight.

Morning sickness: On and off, I made it a whole week with out vomiting (even if I litterally swallowed or choked on some) then the past 2 days I have puked 

Movement: Yup, surely have

Symptoms: Food aversions, lack of appetite

Food cravings: French frys and ketchup
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car, and the smell of some food cooking, smell of brown sugar, thought of eating, rotten tomatos in the fridge, uhmmmm breathing sometimes haha

Have you started to show yet: I think so, not sure what others think, daddy says yes.

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have had a few moments where I am emotional/

Looking forward to: mine and Daddy's trip to FL and cruise to the Bahamas!!.

slugs, snails, and puppy dog tails

Oh BOY!!!!!

Baby Saunders,
Daddy and I were excited to find out who you were yesterday, and we are thrilled you are a little BOY. Mommy is a bit scared because I have NO IDEA what to do with little boys, you'll see one day there are girls, girls, girls everywhere on the Gray side of the family, including your 3 cousins who are so excited to meet you. Auntie T is really excited (and  bit bummed for herself) that you are boy, I have no doubt at all you will be incredibly spoiled, you are the first boy in the family on mommy's side, like EVER! Papa Gray is really stoked too, I even saw him hug daddy last night when we revealed your gender! You are a silly stubborn boy already, when we went to take a peak to see who you were you did NOT hide it, you flaunted it right from the get go and then showed us about 10 more times before yawning and rolling over so that the tech couldn't get a shot of your head or face. Grandpa Saunders called begging for me to tell him what you are, so I told him the Saunders name will carry on, I couldn't make them wait til Christmas. We told everyone on mommy's side of the family you were a boy by filling cupcakes with blue whip cream so that when everyone bit in they saw the color blue and knew you were a boy, Auntie Debra's reaction was by far my favorite (aside from papa hugging daddy), she squealed and stomped her feet in excitement.Auntie Tee didn't say much, I think she kinda wanted to cry (she said she might) , she wants a boy of her own, but is blessed with 3 beautiful girls. Grandma Gray said "WHATTT, what do we do with it?!?" I kind of feel the same way, but I know it will be fun and an adventure when you get here to figure out how to do the boy thing. I have your room picked out (hopefully we can find a new house before you're here) but I hope you like superheros (I am sure you will, your daddy does.) We are throwing names around, Daddy and I both like Odysseus, but because it means "angry, or wrath" I feel it is unfair to you to give you that name. Mommy REALLY likes Sawyer, daddy shes NO WAY. We also like Parker, Preston, and Orion. I have a feeling you will be named Parker. We were trying to figure out how to incorporate Papa's name since he is a 3rd so that his name can live on a little so I said Parker Semi...and realized when you say that out loud that it sounds like someone saying "park your semi" so that is NOT happening but maybe Parker Gray Saunders. I think that sounds okay, you will definitely learn how to write the letter "R" with that name. Well I am heading to bed now, hopefully I will get to sleep since its 1:15am

How far along: 15weeks

Maternity clothes:  Yes, I have to wear stretchy pants, I need maternity pants because my yoga pants are even getting snug.

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  

Sleep: I am down to minimal naps but by 6pm I am burned out, but then go to bed around 9:30 and can't sleep hence the 1:15am blog.

Best moment this week: Definitely seeing you, and finding out you were a boy!

Miss anything: Not much, I kinda enjoy food making me sick because i don't want to gain too much weight.

Morning sickness: On and off, more on lately, I mean hello...I puked over a rotten tomato in the fridge today.

Movement: Not 100% but pretty sure I have felt a few little butterflies.

Symptoms: Food aversions, lack of appetite

Food cravings: French frys and ketchup
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car, and the smell of some food cooking, smell of brown sugar, thought of eating, rotten tomatos in the fridge, uhmmmm breathing sometimes haha

Have you started to show yet: I think so, I can't tell if I just look bloated or if my tummy is getting rounder.

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have had a few moments where I am moody that I know of, but ask Grandma and she will tell you I have been cranky. I haven't felt cranky that much.

Looking forward to: Christmas.

GAG attacks

Hello everyone, and baby Saunders.

The past few weeks have been flying by, I am not 13 weeks and 2 days along in the pregnancy. Dear baby you liked making me puke almost everyday for a few weeks, then you tricked me into thinking I was over being sick and the past few days you have made me gag A LOT! It's okay I will still love you, guess it's just your fun way of saying "hi mommy". You daddy isn't very nice though when it comes to you making me feel icky, he likes to chant "puke puke puke" when I am gagging, or he will snicker at me while I am heaving over the toilet. ( His argument is invalid ;) he will tell everyone "it was only once") I think it is way too early but I SWEAR I felt you move the other night it was one of the WEIRDEST feelings on earth! You really don't like almonds, and fish. You do however like fries with ketchup (mommy likes hers with ranch not ketchup usually). I can't wait to see you again and find out who you are in there, I am hoping you're a little princess, but we all are betting you're a little prince.

Today is a very exciting day for Mommy, today I am going through the Temple for my endowments, I am nervous but super excited! I only hope one day you will follow in your daddy and I's foot steps and have a great love for the church and faith in Christ! Also this coming week Mommy and Daddy are going through the San Diego Temple and we are being sealed, it is such a blessing to know we can do it before you arrive, and that you will be sealed to us forever and all eternity!

How far along: 13weeks 2 days

Maternity clothes:  I  bought some already because I feel so BLEEEHHH in my clothes and my clothes are just not fitting comfortable. Mainly wearing yoga pants and t-shirts though.

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  I do notice if I rub pure coconut oil on it feels less itchy throughout the day.

Sleep: I can't get enough! But I have been able to make it through the day without a nap.

Best moment this week: It is coming tonight when I go through the Temple!!.

Miss anything: Not really, I think soon I will miss sleeping on my belly.

Morning sickness: Off and on, random without warning gagging or puking..

Movement: Not sure, I think so.

Symptoms: Food aversions, lack of appetite

Food cravings: French frys and ketchup
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car, and the smell of some food cooking

Have you started to show yet: I wish but I just feel bloated, however Auntie Tee says I am starting to look pregnant in my shape.

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I had one break down ALL DAY a few weeks ago, I cried over cereal, the christmas tree and just everything.

Looking forward to: Hopefully not puking again! Our next Dr. visit Monday and our Temple Sealing on 12.12.12

Oh baby, baby

We are expecting, yaaayyy just short of our 1 year anniversary we discovered I am PREGNANT! I am still waiting for it to sink in, we've heard the heart beat and have seen our little bean but I am still waiting for it to feel real ( because puking isn't real enough haha) Anyway I am going to make this short today I stole this little survey and I will use it for the rest of my blogs. I also love the cute pinterest idea of the chalk board so I will be doing that too!

How far along: 10weeks 4 days

Maternity clothes:  I  bought some already because I feel so BLEEEHHH in my clothes and my clothes are just not fitting comfortable. Mainly wearing yoga pants and t-shirts though.

Stretch marks: Well I already had some, and yes I am already seeing some new red ones, I don't even care honestly I will never flaunt my tummy to the world so it doesn't matter to me.  I do notice if I rub pure coconut oil on it feels less itchy throughout the day.

Sleep: I can't get enough! I go to bed around 8-10pm wake up somewhere between 7-9a and then I HAVE to take a nap around 1:30 for like 2 hours...

Best moment this week: Going to Mexico for a week with my hubby to celebrate our anniversary and now home to celebrate his bday tonight.

Miss anything: I thought maybe sushi, well I ate COOKED sushi yesterday and BLEH threw it all up on my plate in the restaurant....I've never been so embarrassed

Morning sickness: I have felt bleh but nothing too bad, except the sushi puke and today I drank ginger ale and ate half an orange and bleeh up it came about 10 minutes later..

Movement: Not yet

Symptoms: Food aversions, lack of appetite, and SOO SLEEPY

Food cravings: I wanted blueberry pancakes for a few days and then green apples with vanilla greek yogurt but nothing else really craving wise, some things sound good until I look at it.
Anything making you queasy or sick: ANYTHING IN A TO GO BOX. Especially in the car.

Have you started to show yet: I wish I could say no but even my own hubby and mom say you can tell. BOO!

Gender prediction: Boy

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I've been okay I have had a few snaps but nothing crazy yet no crying for no reason or anything yet.

Looking forward to: Hopefully not puking again! Our next Dr. visit in 2 weeks!!!Thanksgiving dinner (if I don't puke it up). Also our Temple Sealing on 12.12.12

Custom Fat suit

Okay, this is going to be yet another rant blog, so if you don't want to hear it please don't continue reading :) thanks.
Well finally after waiting for a long while I have finally got my MRI, I picked up my report today. Of course it states that my c6-7 disc is bulged (yeah I knew this) good news is, it SHOULD be treatable as it has been in the past, and other good news is, in the report it specifically states it is not effecting my spinal cord *thank GOD!* I can rest somewhat easier. Anyways, I was talking crying to my hubby the other night about how I am starting to feel depressed I don't have any motivation and or motive to get up during the day, I am gradually beginning to hate myself, the way I look and the way I feel. I feel so helpless/hopeless I can't do anything physical so I clean my house all day or do laundry, I literally can't do anyting physical with my limitations on working out, and even the "simple" act of sex ends with my neck,shoulder, or head hurting :(. I feel so cooped up (no one is making me but I feel like I am caged). I need something to do I think I am going to try to get a job again because I think it will be something to keep me busy, but I don't know where I can go work that I will be able to sit or stand as needed, because either at a prolonged period of time HURTS. To add to my frustration of feeling so crappy about me lately, I got this image

  All I see in this image is me INSIDE of me..it truly is hard not to cry when I see this, I see a perfect muscular structure encased with sooo much FAT, it disgusts me, what makes it so difficult to look at this is knowing there is NOTHING I can do about it at the moment, aside from eating well. I don't want to take hormones, or prescriptions, or pills to "fix" this I want to workout, sweat, and earn that inner me, but it's so unobtainable right now with my limitations set by the doctors. I wish there was A miracle that would just make me thin HEALTHY

I don't have much else to talk about right now I am going to go, I am going to go to PT tomorrow and see if they can't help me get the neck, shoulder 4 day pinching headache relieved for me some and give them the MRI images. Hopefully I can start a program soon and get some relief and results!

sitting, waiting, wishing

okay, so it appears I am out for a long count. i went to my doctor who has worked on my neck and back the past five years. normally i go in he adjusts my back and neck, well today he told me he would not touch my neck. he asked if i have experienced any trauma in the past six months ,which i have not but i guess if he hadnt known any better he would guess i did. soooooo as he is doing his consultation he is testing out my shoulder which has been killer lately, and he said its actually fine but my neck isnt, i made the actual appt to request an mri for my shoulder and neck....anyway he said if i werent requesting it he would have suggested it anyway...so anyways i pretty much begged him to pop my back, so he did and as he was i asked him if my hip, knee, and ankle pain could be from my neck...his response was that more than likely, and that my bulged disks may be pressing into my spinal cord....Omg scary....so at the moment i am trying my hardest to not stress about it until my mri, if i do its going to just cause me more tension and more tension is just going to irriatate the disk area.... i am praying its not anywhere near my spinal cord, im pretty scared, although he didnt seem overly concerned with telling me it could be swelling into it...sigh... guess insanity may never happen again...at this time i was told veeeerrryy low impact, so looks like the pool will become my walking partner... sorry this whole thing has even worse than usual puncuation, my phone will only let me hit . and , wont even let me cap a letter....well i will kepp ya all posted, after the mri.

Broken hearted

Okay, so as you may know I started physical therapy for my shoulder pains.... Well it's been 2 weeks and to start out I was told by my therapist I could do INSANITY but not do the burpies( shoot I will take whatever excuse I can to not have to do burpies/suicide jumps) anyways I did my fit test and measurements which I will include here; I went to therapy this week and apparently I was super inflammed, and was told to refrain from ANY physical activity not just INSANITY... I wanted to cry. As the past few days went by I got soooooo bored at home all day, it's amazing when you're told you CAN NOT do something how much more you actually want to do it. I had therapy again today and I actually cried avery little when i was told I can not go kayaking this weekend, I don't kayak a whole lot but it's so nice out and I was looking at my kayak and just really really wanted to do a lake day with Josh and Baxter our puppy who loves water. Anyways that big fat NO was so heart breaking, I feel so helpless not being able to do anything, and because I started losing weight and looooovveeee INSANITY and now can't do it, I just feel lost. :( so I wont be posting too many updates any time too soon. I am going to continue healthy eating habits and walk as often as possible, the last thing I want to do is gain back the 9 lbs I worked so hard to lose. I was told I can do squats and belt kicks but I had to modify the moves so that my arms aren't swinging. This is not all shoulder deep though... If you read my about me on here you will recall me talking about my neck injury from when I was 9, well everything is stemming off of that injury at the moment, but at the same time 3 seperation injuries; my neck, shoulder, and apparently my elbow. I will refrain from any activity I'm told to refrain from until further notice I want to get better. (If that is possible) so my physical activity today consisted of raising a broom handle over my head 20 times, bench pressing it 20 times and twisting it in front of me 20 times, neck stretches, traction, and getting my shoulder/neck dug into with a metal tool by the therapist... At this point I wish I hadn't gone in at all, maybe I would still be doing my INSANITY to my limits. Oh almost forgot 50 squats and 20 belt kicks before I went in ( yes before I had approval, I had to do some thing) Okay as of4/20 my measurements and such Belly 44.5 (+.5in)I blame PMS Chest 45.25 (-2.75) again I blame PMS L bicep 15 (-1in) R bicep 15 -(1in) Waist 38.5 (-1.75) Hips/butt 50.25 (-1in) L thigh 29 (-.75in) R thigh 28.5 (-1in) L calf 18 (+.5in) R calf 17.5 (same) Underboob 39 (+.25) Neck 14 (-.5) Weight 220 (+5 lbs) blaming PMS I weighed in today at 217 These numbers truly make me sad, I guess that's what happens when you take a week off.. Fit test Switch kicks 41 on right (+2) Power jacks 31 (+12) Power knees 80 (+18) Power jumps 22 (+8) Globe jumps 10 (+5) Suicide jumps 0 per therapist Push up jacks 20 high plank (+ 12) Low plank oblique 33 (+21) Definitely got stronger, but at the same time evidently weaker in my neck and shoulder... I hope to be returning VERY soon full force, and when I do INSANITY is going to be mine again, non stop!

SlAcKeR!

Slacker def: ME

Okay, so I have been a bad bad bad girl! I was up to day 39 of INSANITY without more than a few days off off once. Which I believe is where I left off last blog. Anyway since than its been uhm, way too long but I have worked out about 3 times. :( and feel so crappy for it. I started back up today. I now have some limitations though, because that lovely shoulder of mine was just not agreeing with the workouts, I started PT last Monday and apparently I have technically 3 injuries (not all from working out) one in my neck (from a car accident as a kid) my shoulder and I guess my elbow (which I had no idea my elbow was injured seeing as it didn't bother me much.) Anyways I get to get "tortured" every Mon and Thurs, but the secret is I enjoy it, I am doing traction and then my PT guy takes a metal majigger and digs it into the knots and grinds them out *woooo weeee* hurts so good!

Anyway back to INSANITY( I don't know why I just feel like it needs to be in CAPS) I started full swing back today and it hurt..kinda good, but not so good. I have also been sick with allergies, stuffy nose, cough, and what not so it made it really difficult to breathe during the workout. I am back though I can't believe the difference between being healthy and not. I will be doing a blog tomorrow too after I do my most recent fit test. and measurements, I did a few measurements and wasn't too disappointed after 2 weeks off I haven't gained any inches back.. *WHEW* After the next 4 days finishing out this week Josh and I have decided to re-start the entire program, and repeat until we reach a healthy spot!

Well enough rambling I'm going to clean up from our week vaca in Mexico LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY... eck so I guess I should now throw a few pics from Mexico on here for your enjoyment :)

My amzaing silly crazy family

Beautiful sunrise the day we left

I love this man more than anything in this world

AH can't get over how much I love him

A majority of the most important people in my life!

J-E-L-L-O

Oh my gosh! As of today we started back to our Insanity after taking 3 days off ( I hurt my shoulder, and we go pretty busy too). Today also just so happened to start the "second half" of Insanity Holy Mother of Everything!!!!! The workout today was not like anything you see in the infomercial, nor is it anything like the first 6 weeks. It is INSANE!! 

Max interval training was ridiculous and my body is JELLO right now! My shoulder is also SCREAMING. I don't know what I did to it exactly, but back when I had very first done Xfit I was doing tricep-dips on the bleachers and something popped, ever since if I do any tricep-dips my shoulder hurts; well it has progressed to hurting while doing planks, push ups, or intense punches...so I am trying to be really careful. However it is pretty persistent so I will more than likely be making a Dr. appt soon. Oh yeah also burned 500+ calories in the workout! Sadly I forgot to put my Body Bugg on during my fit test today.

So because Blogger/blog spot is so cool it showed me where people are viewing from. I have had views in Malaysia, and Russia (kinda scary, but scary in a cool kinda way). Anyway you all aren't here to hear me ramble one about randomness so I will now post my pictures, measurements, and results from today's fit test!

Fit test results- Day 1 Day 15 Day 36

 SWITCH KICKS 39 40 38 (I did worse, could have been the few days off) -1
POWER JACKS 19 27 29 +10
POWER KNEES 62 63 69 +7
POWER JUMPS 14 25 22 (AGAIN WORSE I BLAME THE FEW DAYS OFF) +8
GLOBE JUMPS 5  10 9 +4
SUICIDE JUMPS 7 9 11 +4
PUSH-UP JACKS 8 (ON KNEES) 12 (HIGH PLANK) 14 +6
LOW PLANK OBLIQUE 12(KNEES) 24(HIGH PLANK) 28 +16

Measurements- Day 1 Day 15 Day 36

Waist *40.25* -39.5- 39.25 1 in

Belly *45* -44- 44.5 ( I think I am bloated) .5in

Under boob *39.5* -38.75- 39 .5in

Boobs *48* -44.5- 44.5 3.5in

Butt *51.25* -50- 50.5 .75in

Right thigh *29.5* -29- 28.5 1in

Left thigh *29.75* -28.75- 28.75 1in

Right bicep *16* -15- 15.25 .75in

Left bicep *16* -15- 15 1in

Right forearm *10.25* -10- 10 .25in

Left forearm *9.5* -10- 10 +.5in

Right calf *17.5* -18- 17.5 same
Left Calf *17.5* -18.5-  17.75 +.25
9.5 inches over all in 36 days not too shabby!




And now the pictures!

As promised

As I promised, here is my update!! Today we got a new area rug for our living room, we have bought all kinds of yoga, and other workout mats, all have failed terribly, we needed something to stick to our wood flooring. Finally the area rug ( ugly as it is) is successful!! As of today here are my measurements.

Waist -39.5

Belly- 44

Under boob-38.75

Boobs/chest-44 shrinking away :( really odd thing is I can't see over my boobs to see my belly, I think I'm wider at my belly cus josh said my gut doesn't look the same extension as my boobs...

Butt-50.5 got bigger boo

R thigh-29

Left-28.75

Right calf-17.75

Left-18

Right bicep-15

Left-15

Right forearm-10.5

Left-10.25

I find it interesting that things change every week.

Well chicken is done boiling gotta go finish dinner!!

Back to it

Okay, this week has been rough getting back in the grove of life... We skipped Wednesdays workout because we were traveling... Well some how we are still 2 workouts behind....uggghh.. But we are back to our weight we left to Cali at. Thank goodness. I knew it would slip right off when we got back to better food and routine. Tonight we had spaghetti squash chicken spaghetti, it was delicious* the itchy mouth and face not as much* I will be doing measurements in the AM I forgot to do them last week..but will for sure do them tomorrow and keep y'all posted!

1, 2, skip a few .....GOOOAAAALLL

Wow, home sweet home, isn't it so odd how when you go on a vacation you need to go home to vacation from vacation. It was so nice to be home and sleep in my own bed with my precious puppies! So since my last long life story I have been a BAD BAD BAD girl!!! On the 12th I did a real crap/slack job on my workout, I SKIPPED 15 mins in the middle, but hey I did the other 2/3rds, while Mr. Hubby Man rode the stationary bike because of that pulled inner thigh... We went back to Disneyland and it was WWWAAAAAYYYY better Monday than on Sunday; hardly any people. We in fact rode about 5 rides in an hour and a half! Since we were already slipping on our eating we made reservations for lunch and dinner in DL, BAD idea, it started a horrible trend. For lunch I ate a white bread roll *gasp* I don't even normally eat white bread in my daily life in general, and a Monte Cristo (which I couldn't stomach all the grease so I ate one section of it). Then for dinner we had bbq ribs, chicken, sausage, beans, cornbread, etc *dessert*. I didn't even bother adding that day into my app for calorie tracking I might have cried. After this day we still had one day left for Disney, so we decided to go first thing in the morning so I could get "letters" * You'll see what I mean in the picture*, at this point we decided that we would do our workout when we got home last night *we didn't* anyway, we get to DL and the hubs says "hmm where was that clam chowder, we were suggested?" *I can't eat it I'm allergic* anyway so he eats that, then we ate PIZZA *OMG SO YUMMY* then...the worst thing ever, Josh got a dole whip *again couldn't have any allergic* so I was feeling left out so I got a Rootbeer float :/ so on top of missing our workout we were naughty and ate HORRIBLE!! But WAIT!!!! The last 2 days in Disney I SURPASSED EVERY SINGLE GOAL on my Body Bugg!!! I have over 15k steps, burned over 3000 cals, and had over 2 hours of activity!!!! So all that food did burn. Upon arrival at home I did the most dreadful thing in existence I weighed myself *I almost cried* I put back on 4lbs :'(. I am sure it will come back off super easy this week, but none the less it made me feel horrible, on top of me already feeling crappy from all the horrible food. As of tomorrow we will be back on Phase 1 of South Beach. We just finished yesterday's Insanity, and tomorrow morning we will do today's and tomorrows, tomorrow night! Now I need to ice my shoulder *threw myself WAY too hard into a burpie* and play with "letters" Sorry my grammar and punctuation sucks... I just don't care :)

Cali baby

Okay so I have been in California for a second "Honeymoon" so we have decided to call it while being here. We have stayed in 3 hotels all of them having "free wifi" the first two did not have internet AT ALL for the laptop or the iPad. Tonight we are staying in a real HOTEL and as you guessed I finally have internet on the laptop!!

We have brought along our Insanity so that we can be good little kids and keep up our fitness. We have had a few bumps in the road with keeping up, (NO WORRIES WE HAVE DONE IT EVERYDAY) *I mean workout P.S. ;)* I pulled something in my right hammy the other day and I did a really lazy Insanity day, I probably did about 1/3 of it, and today Josh has a pulled inner thigh ( from climbing over the passenger seat on the side of the freeway to help the lady broke down put gas in her car) so we haven't finished our workout today ( but being in a HOTEL we have a fitness room we can go use) YAAAYY

So funny little story the other day I was hesitant to want to start our workout and jokingly asked Josh " Why are we doing this to ourselves?, Why, why ,why do we torture ourselves" all the while he is sitting on the end of the bed putting his socks and shoes on...I continue complaining and sit on the end of the bed with him and the WHOLE MATTRESS FLIPS UP we both start busting up laughing and I say "weellllll I guess that answers my questions, better get movin'."



Okay so I know if you're reading this you are waiting to hear about my second fit test..There is some good, bad, and ugly.

The good-
*2/21/12* -3/6/12-
Switch kicks *39* -40-...+1
Power Jacks *19* -27-...+8
Power Knees *62* -63-...+1
Globe Jumps *5* -10-...+5
Suicide Jumps *7* -9-...+2
Push up Jacks *8, just push ups* -12 full on-...+4
Low Plank oblique *12 on knees* -24 full on-...+12

The bad
Measurements *2/21/12* -3/6/12-

Waist *40.25* -39.5-..(-.75)

Belly *45* -44-...(-1)

Under boob *39.5* -38.75-...(-.75)

Boobs *48* -44.5-...(3.5)

Butt *51.25* -50-...(-1.25)

Right thigh *29.5* -29-...(-.5)

Left thigh *29.75* -28.75-...(-1)

Right bicep *16* -15- (-1)

Left bicep *16* -15-...(-1)

Right forearm *10.25* -10-...(-.25)

Left forearm *9.5* -10-...(+.5)

Right calf *17.5* -18-...(+.5)
Left Calf *17.5* -18.5-...(+1)

Making me have lost 9in from my first day of starting INSANITY :( and an additional inch since last week, but at least starting to even out. Weigh in 2/21/12 *223 lbs* 3/6/12 *218lbs* making for a loss of 5lbs in 2 weeks.

Since we are on vacation and starting phase 2 of South Beach it has been difficult making the healthier choice, but for the most part I have done pretty good. My big cheats this week have been...A churro, Sushi, and chick-fil-a (never had it before had to see what the fuss was) of course I didn't have the bun on my sandwich and also only ate like 5 fries. With my workouts I have stayed under 1600 calories a day still. I am still scared to go home and weigh in though, and as soon as I do go home we are going back to phase 1.

The first bad and thing we differed from Phase 1 was the churro, leaving both of us feeling super sick.

Oh yeah, you're probably waiting for the ugly...and man is it ugly!!!

If you notice I didn't have the same clothes I wish I did... the few changes I notice are... my belly shape changed slightly (I don't look as pregnant when I am not), my double chin shrank mildly, my boobs are up a little, and my neck on the back isn't as rounded.

We are having so much fun in Cali, tomorrow we go to Disney Land and California Adventure. I miss my puppies... now only 3 weeks and MEXICOOOOOOO!!!! man I totally LOVE MY LIFE!!!! I am so blessed to be surrounded by supportive people, especially my amazing hubby!!!!

:) gotta go finish our Insanity for the day!!!! Then maybe a nice soak in the hot tub