Custom Fat suit

Okay, this is going to be yet another rant blog, so if you don't want to hear it please don't continue reading :) thanks.
Well finally after waiting for a long while I have finally got my MRI, I picked up my report today. Of course it states that my c6-7 disc is bulged (yeah I knew this) good news is, it SHOULD be treatable as it has been in the past, and other good news is, in the report it specifically states it is not effecting my spinal cord *thank GOD!* I can rest somewhat easier. Anyways, I was talking crying to my hubby the other night about how I am starting to feel depressed I don't have any motivation and or motive to get up during the day, I am gradually beginning to hate myself, the way I look and the way I feel. I feel so helpless/hopeless I can't do anything physical so I clean my house all day or do laundry, I literally can't do anyting physical with my limitations on working out, and even the "simple" act of sex ends with my neck,shoulder, or head hurting :(. I feel so cooped up (no one is making me but I feel like I am caged). I need something to do I think I am going to try to get a job again because I think it will be something to keep me busy, but I don't know where I can go work that I will be able to sit or stand as needed, because either at a prolonged period of time HURTS. To add to my frustration of feeling so crappy about me lately, I got this image

  All I see in this image is me INSIDE of me..it truly is hard not to cry when I see this, I see a perfect muscular structure encased with sooo much FAT, it disgusts me, what makes it so difficult to look at this is knowing there is NOTHING I can do about it at the moment, aside from eating well. I don't want to take hormones, or prescriptions, or pills to "fix" this I want to workout, sweat, and earn that inner me, but it's so unobtainable right now with my limitations set by the doctors. I wish there was A miracle that would just make me thin HEALTHY

I don't have much else to talk about right now I am going to go, I am going to go to PT tomorrow and see if they can't help me get the neck, shoulder 4 day pinching headache relieved for me some and give them the MRI images. Hopefully I can start a program soon and get some relief and results!